Why I’m being such an asshole today

A woman who works in another department practically hung up on me earlier this morning. I dug into another co-worker for something annoying he does, told another person how much her last email frustrated me and plan on telling my boss a thing or two before I leave for the day.

“So why are you being such an asshole today?” you ask.

“You mean, why am I building so many awesome friendships?” I reply.

I went to bed last night with a hot head full of frustration from a few bad encounters that occurred throughout the day. It could have been an email that was a little snappy or a passive aggressive comment said in passing, but everything put together made even the smallest thing a big deal by the end of the day.

Normally I would brood over everything while making my wife suffer through the many ways I wished I would have responded or what I would like to say to them in my own fantasy land. But last night was different.

And now today is much different than most other days.

What I’m learning is that conflict and confrontation are necessary for healthy relationships and sanity. Doing a quick Google search on the benefits that confrontation has on friendships and working relationships made me realize why I haven’t done it very much in my life. Most of the crap we’re fed by self-help articles and books advise us how to avoid confrontation like it’s something to hide from when it comes lurking in the dark. Not only is it unhealthy to bottle in your fears and frustrations because of the stress it causes (have you seen or read Fight Club?), but it is also creating a generation of cowards.

And I’m definitely one of those cowards. Taking the steps to let others know about my frustration has been a a big step out of my hard shell.

As I’m learning to own my feelings and make them known to others, I’m also recognizing there is a fine line between productive confrontation and complete asshole that can easily be crossed. Productive confrontation, for me, is determining the frustrations and hurt feelings that will keep me awake at night and making a point to deal with those and those only. The end goal of any confrontation should be the ability to move past an issue and strengthen the relationship that’s being tested. Anything less is complete asshole.

So yes, that’s why I may look like an ass today. But trust me, it’s an investment in my relationships with co-workers.